Not only that she is tired of crying.
She is tired of everything.
She wanted to keep believing.
Though she knows it is never ending.
Not sure if she could keep pretending.
She is always the one hiding.
She wanted to keep standing.
Though she knows she is breaking.
December 2014,
Lady Metamorph
December 21, 2014
December 11, 2014
Separated
If love was a bird, then we wouldn't have wings.
If love was a sky, we'd be blue.
If love was a choir, you and I could never sing.
Cause love isn't for me and you..
If love was an Oscar, you and I could never win.
Cause we can never act out our parts.
If love is the Bible, then we are lost in sin.
If love was a fire, then we have lost the spark.
If love was a light, then we're lost in the dark.
Left with no one to hold.
If love was a sport, we're not on the same team.
You and I are destined to lose.
If love was an ocean, then we are just a stream.
Cause love isn't for me and you...
I know we had some good times.
It's sad but now we gotta say goodbye.
You know I love you, I can't deny.
I can't say we didn't try to make it work for you and I.
I know it hurts so much but it's best for us.
Somewhere along this windy road we lost the trust.
So I'll walk away so you don't have to see me cry.
It's killing me so, why don't you go...
So why don't you go your way, and I'll go mine.
Live your life, and I'll live mine.
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine.
Cause we're better off, separated...
-letras-
If love was a sky, we'd be blue.
If love was a choir, you and I could never sing.
Cause love isn't for me and you..
If love was an Oscar, you and I could never win.
Cause we can never act out our parts.
If love is the Bible, then we are lost in sin.
If love was a fire, then we have lost the spark.
If love was a light, then we're lost in the dark.
Left with no one to hold.
If love was a sport, we're not on the same team.
You and I are destined to lose.
If love was an ocean, then we are just a stream.
Cause love isn't for me and you...
I know we had some good times.
It's sad but now we gotta say goodbye.
You know I love you, I can't deny.
I can't say we didn't try to make it work for you and I.
I know it hurts so much but it's best for us.
Somewhere along this windy road we lost the trust.
So I'll walk away so you don't have to see me cry.
It's killing me so, why don't you go...
So why don't you go your way, and I'll go mine.
Live your life, and I'll live mine.
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine.
Cause we're better off, separated...
-letras-
December 9, 2014
My Last Song for You
I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life? Tell me how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while.
You've been good, busier than ever,
We small talk, work and the weather.
Your guard is up and I know why.
Because the last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.
These days I haven't been sleeping,
Staying up, playing back myself leavin'.
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times.
I watched you laughing from the passenger side.
Realized I loved you in the fall.
And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind.
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye."
I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile.
So good to me, so right.
And how you held me in your arms that September night.
The first time you ever saw me cry.
Maybe this is wishful thinking.
Probably mindless dreaming.
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right.
I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.
So if the chain is on your door I understand.
But this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.
How's life? Tell me how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while.
You've been good, busier than ever,
We small talk, work and the weather.
Your guard is up and I know why.
Because the last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.
These days I haven't been sleeping,
Staying up, playing back myself leavin'.
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times.
I watched you laughing from the passenger side.
Realized I loved you in the fall.
And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind.
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye."
I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile.
So good to me, so right.
And how you held me in your arms that September night.
The first time you ever saw me cry.
Maybe this is wishful thinking.
Probably mindless dreaming.
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right.
I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.
So if the chain is on your door I understand.
But this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.
-Back to December by Taylor Swift-
Happy Birthday. I wish you happiness.
December 7, 2014
Cold
It was a cold morning as it rained the whole night. She woke up in the couch. The room was already taken last night. But instead of cuddling her teddy bear as she usually does every morning, she got up and headed straight to the bathroom to have a cold shower. Let the water wipe her tears away. Let the cold heart gets colder.
She sobbed as she started counting her math. She had her very own formula in her head.
l = (i-r) (d-b)
l = ?
Insecurity. Reality. Dream. Bullshit.
She was never good with math. That's why she felt so messed up. She's sick of all these crap. She's had enough. She felt sick, nausea. She wanted to puke, but nothing came out.
She sobbed as she started counting her math. She had her very own formula in her head.
l = (i-r) (d-b)
l = ?
Insecurity. Reality. Dream. Bullshit.
She was never good with math. That's why she felt so messed up. She's sick of all these crap. She's had enough. She felt sick, nausea. She wanted to puke, but nothing came out.
December 5, 2014
Di Antara Dua
Ia bermimpi..
Bayangan padang rumput yang hijau. Mentari bersinar indah. Semilir angin sejukkan jiwa.
Tiba-tiba pandangannya berubah. Ia melihat seorang anak kecil berlari. Berlari dan berlari dengan kencangnya. Terlihat wajahnya berpeluh keringat. Namun ketika ia perhatikan lagi, ia juga melihat tetesan air mata jatuh ke pipi gadis kecil yang mungil itu. Apa yang telah terjadi.
***
Ia berlari dengan sekuat tenaga. Berharap semakin jauh langkahnya, semakin tidak terdengar suara di belakangnya. "Kembalilah, anakku sayang..." Ia mulai menangis. Wajah pucatnya basah oleh keringat bercampur air mata. Tapi ia tidak ingin berhenti berlari. Jangan sampai terkejar dan jangan terdengar lagi suara itu.
Melewati padang rumput, melintasi sungai, lewat jalan berbatuan, ia terjatuh. Sakit. Perasaan lelahnya terhenti, terkalahkan oleh rasa sakit. Ia mulai menangis histeris. Semakin kencang tangisannya, semakin terasa sakitnya. Tiba-tiba terngiang di kepalanya suara itu. "Kembalilah......" Tidak. Aku telah berlari terlalu jauh. Dan aku baru saja terjatuh. Aku tidak akan sanggup kembali ke tempat kuberasal. Terisak ia terdiam.
Ia kuatkan diri untuk bangun perlahan-lahan. Hilang kuasanya untuk berlari lagi. Ia bingung tak tentu arah. Ia dongakkan kepala. Melihat ke sekelilingnya. Di mana aku berada? Ia termenung. Menunduk. Dalam kesunyian hati ia mulai berjalan, pelan..
Bayangan padang rumput yang hijau. Mentari bersinar indah. Semilir angin sejukkan jiwa.
Tiba-tiba pandangannya berubah. Ia melihat seorang anak kecil berlari. Berlari dan berlari dengan kencangnya. Terlihat wajahnya berpeluh keringat. Namun ketika ia perhatikan lagi, ia juga melihat tetesan air mata jatuh ke pipi gadis kecil yang mungil itu. Apa yang telah terjadi.
***
Ia berlari dengan sekuat tenaga. Berharap semakin jauh langkahnya, semakin tidak terdengar suara di belakangnya. "Kembalilah, anakku sayang..." Ia mulai menangis. Wajah pucatnya basah oleh keringat bercampur air mata. Tapi ia tidak ingin berhenti berlari. Jangan sampai terkejar dan jangan terdengar lagi suara itu.
Melewati padang rumput, melintasi sungai, lewat jalan berbatuan, ia terjatuh. Sakit. Perasaan lelahnya terhenti, terkalahkan oleh rasa sakit. Ia mulai menangis histeris. Semakin kencang tangisannya, semakin terasa sakitnya. Tiba-tiba terngiang di kepalanya suara itu. "Kembalilah......" Tidak. Aku telah berlari terlalu jauh. Dan aku baru saja terjatuh. Aku tidak akan sanggup kembali ke tempat kuberasal. Terisak ia terdiam.
Ia kuatkan diri untuk bangun perlahan-lahan. Hilang kuasanya untuk berlari lagi. Ia bingung tak tentu arah. Ia dongakkan kepala. Melihat ke sekelilingnya. Di mana aku berada? Ia termenung. Menunduk. Dalam kesunyian hati ia mulai berjalan, pelan..
Beautiful Mess
She's got the best of both worlds.
She's the kind of girl who can take down a man, and lift him back up again.
She is strong but she's needy.
Humble but she's greedy.
Her style is quite selective, though her mind is rather reckless.
Hey, what a beautiful mess this is.
It's like picking up trash in dresses.
Don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction. But I like being submerged in your contradictions, dear..
'Cause here we are, here we are.
Her comebacks - they're quick.
And probably have to do with her insecurities.
There's no shame in being crazy.
Depending on how you take these words that paraphrasing this relationship we're staging.
And what a beautiful mess, yes it is.
It's like we're picking up trash in dresses.
We're still here.
What a beautiful mess this is.
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is "Yes."
Through timeless words and priceless pictures. We'll fly like birds not of this earth.
And tides - they turn, and hearts disfigure. But that's no concern when we're wounded together.
And we tore our dresses and stained our shirts. But it's nice today.
-letras-
She's the kind of girl who can take down a man, and lift him back up again.
She is strong but she's needy.
Humble but she's greedy.
Her style is quite selective, though her mind is rather reckless.
Hey, what a beautiful mess this is.
It's like picking up trash in dresses.
Don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction. But I like being submerged in your contradictions, dear..
'Cause here we are, here we are.
Her comebacks - they're quick.
And probably have to do with her insecurities.
There's no shame in being crazy.
Depending on how you take these words that paraphrasing this relationship we're staging.
And what a beautiful mess, yes it is.
It's like we're picking up trash in dresses.
We're still here.
What a beautiful mess this is.
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is "Yes."
Through timeless words and priceless pictures. We'll fly like birds not of this earth.
And tides - they turn, and hearts disfigure. But that's no concern when we're wounded together.
And we tore our dresses and stained our shirts. But it's nice today.
-letras-
December 2, 2014
Gravity
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do,
I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.
You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.
Set me free.
Leave me be.
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.
Oh, you loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while.
And all my fragile strength is gone.
But you're neither friend nor foe.
Though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down..........
-letras-
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do,
I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.
You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.
Set me free.
Leave me be.
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.
Oh, you loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while.
And all my fragile strength is gone.
But you're neither friend nor foe.
Though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down..........
-letras-
November 30, 2014
Dear L
What we had was sweet. I couldn't resist.
What you said was unexpected. No regrets.
What you did was touching. True feelings.
How it all happened, I don't know.
Why we let it happen, I'm not sure.
How we fix it, I have no idea.
Hey, look what you've done to me.
I've never felt anything like this before.
But.. You didn't know. You'd never understand. The sorrow. The pain.
Heaven is not for us.
What you said was unexpected. No regrets.
What you did was touching. True feelings.
How it all happened, I don't know.
Why we let it happen, I'm not sure.
How we fix it, I have no idea.
Hey, look what you've done to me.
I've never felt anything like this before.
But.. You didn't know. You'd never understand. The sorrow. The pain.
Heaven is not for us.
November 28, 2014
Side Story
Hot shower just before midnight is always the best comforting feeling in a day. Grab the towel, go to her room to 'fine-tune' and then straight to bed. Tomorrow is another day. Same thing everyday. Every night.
The next thing she knows is her cell phone alarm rings. Snooze. From the dark red sky to light blue. All that she wants is just to have some more time in bed. Cuddling her very soft teddy bear. But the day is waiting. So she gets up eventually. Same thing everyday. Every morning.
But there's that one day when her routine 'ritual' changes. She couldn't sleep. Only that one night.
And another day she couldn't get up from bed. That one morning.
The next thing she knows is her cell phone alarm rings. Snooze. From the dark red sky to light blue. All that she wants is just to have some more time in bed. Cuddling her very soft teddy bear. But the day is waiting. So she gets up eventually. Same thing everyday. Every morning.
But there's that one day when her routine 'ritual' changes. She couldn't sleep. Only that one night.
And another day she couldn't get up from bed. That one morning.
November 27, 2014
How Random
Roses are red. Sky is blue.
Lay in my bed. I think of you.
"The sun went down a long time ago, and it's not coming back up." -Olivia Pope- (Scandal S0409)
She's an angel sent by the devil. He's the guardian of the devils. How they met, may or may not be a mystery.. Who knows.
"You pray for rain, you gotta deal with the mud too." -Denzel Washington- (The Equalizer)
Never thought I'll be where I am now, who I've become, what I've done.
Lay in my bed. I think of you.
"The sun went down a long time ago, and it's not coming back up." -Olivia Pope- (Scandal S0409)
She's an angel sent by the devil. He's the guardian of the devils. How they met, may or may not be a mystery.. Who knows.
"You pray for rain, you gotta deal with the mud too." -Denzel Washington- (The Equalizer)
Never thought I'll be where I am now, who I've become, what I've done.
November 26, 2014
Ironi Sangkal Diri
Sejak dicopet bulan lalu, saya jadi trauma naik bis umum. Rasanya kenyataan bahwa saya telah menjaga diri dengan baik namun mana sangka dihipnotis dan dicopet, membuat saya kehilangan rasa aman.
Tapi hari ini saya memberanikan diri untuk naik bis umum lagi. Bersyukur karena sampai tujuan dengan selamat (walaupun sepanjang jalan deg-degan).
Macam ironi saja. Saya naik bis pada hari itu demi menghemat ongkos. Pada akhirnya saya malah kehilangan jauh lebih banyak dari ongkos taksi.
Begitulah. Memang benar, pelajaran terbaik dalam hidup adalah proses hidup itu sendiri. Ada sebab ada akibat. Ada aksi ada reaksi. Cukup dijalani..
Tapi hari ini saya memberanikan diri untuk naik bis umum lagi. Bersyukur karena sampai tujuan dengan selamat (walaupun sepanjang jalan deg-degan).
Macam ironi saja. Saya naik bis pada hari itu demi menghemat ongkos. Pada akhirnya saya malah kehilangan jauh lebih banyak dari ongkos taksi.
Begitulah. Memang benar, pelajaran terbaik dalam hidup adalah proses hidup itu sendiri. Ada sebab ada akibat. Ada aksi ada reaksi. Cukup dijalani..
November 25, 2014
Pergi Tak Kembali
Hari ini tepat sebulan HP saya hilang dicopet. Walaupun mengaku sudah ikhlas, sebenarnya dalam hati kecil saya masih berharap HP saya bisa kembali, bagaimanapun caranya. Entah berapa kali saya menyalahkan diri sendiri atas kejadian itu. Seandainya saya tidak naik bus itu hari itu, tidak turun melalui pintu belakang, dll, dsb.
Saya percaya segala sesuatu ada jalannya, baik atau buruk. Tapi bukan berarti kepercayaan itu membuat saya dapat dengan mudah menerima kenyataan dan berlalu begitu saja.
Saya bukan penggila teknologi. HP yang hilang juga bukan keluaran terbaru atau termahal. Tapi HP tersebut merupakan hadiah ulang tahun dari kakak saya. Awalnya butuh waktu bagi saya menyesuaikan diri dengan cara penggunaannya. Sampai tidak disadari, HP itu sudah seperti teman bagi saya. Lebay? Mungkin. Tapi itu benar. Di jaman yang serba canggih dengan tingkat mobilitas tinggi seperti sekarang ini, bisa dibilang hampir seluruh waktu luang saya gunakan untuk mengutak-atik HP saya. Terutama karena komputer di rumah juga sudah hampir 'pensiun.'
Mungkin tanggal 25 bulan depan saya masih akan berpikir seperti ini, mungkin sedikit lebih baik, atau jauh lebih baik. Yang saya tahu, saya hanya perlu bertahan dan terus berjalan. Masalah besar akan menjadi kecil. Masalah kecil akan selesai. Kalau mengutip lirik lagu salah satu penyanyi country kesukaan saya, terkadang gunung yang selama ini kita daki hanyalah tumpukan pasir saja.
Saya percaya segala sesuatu ada jalannya, baik atau buruk. Tapi bukan berarti kepercayaan itu membuat saya dapat dengan mudah menerima kenyataan dan berlalu begitu saja.
Saya bukan penggila teknologi. HP yang hilang juga bukan keluaran terbaru atau termahal. Tapi HP tersebut merupakan hadiah ulang tahun dari kakak saya. Awalnya butuh waktu bagi saya menyesuaikan diri dengan cara penggunaannya. Sampai tidak disadari, HP itu sudah seperti teman bagi saya. Lebay? Mungkin. Tapi itu benar. Di jaman yang serba canggih dengan tingkat mobilitas tinggi seperti sekarang ini, bisa dibilang hampir seluruh waktu luang saya gunakan untuk mengutak-atik HP saya. Terutama karena komputer di rumah juga sudah hampir 'pensiun.'
Mungkin tanggal 25 bulan depan saya masih akan berpikir seperti ini, mungkin sedikit lebih baik, atau jauh lebih baik. Yang saya tahu, saya hanya perlu bertahan dan terus berjalan. Masalah besar akan menjadi kecil. Masalah kecil akan selesai. Kalau mengutip lirik lagu salah satu penyanyi country kesukaan saya, terkadang gunung yang selama ini kita daki hanyalah tumpukan pasir saja.
November 22, 2014
Attentive
"Hi. How have you been? We're hosting a Christmas party and will have you join us as well."
She put her phone down. Wow. She knows that she was always the favorite. She was always told so. And it was obvious. Everybody can see. Some would say sincerely, "You're smart and beautiful." Some would say sarcasticly, "You're beautiful."
She just never thought that she would still be remembered after she left for a year. Not to mention her declining previous invitation to a weekend trip recently.
Why? Why am I so special?
She stepped into her room to wipe her wet face. The weather is too warm to be true. And her physical condition just makes everything seems worse. As she looks in the mirror, she asks the girl standing in front of her. "Who are you, really? You're not as beautiful as they say. You're not as smart and attractive as what you're used to be told." She can hear nothing but silence.
She put her phone down. Wow. She knows that she was always the favorite. She was always told so. And it was obvious. Everybody can see. Some would say sincerely, "You're smart and beautiful." Some would say sarcasticly, "You're beautiful."
She just never thought that she would still be remembered after she left for a year. Not to mention her declining previous invitation to a weekend trip recently.
Why? Why am I so special?
She stepped into her room to wipe her wet face. The weather is too warm to be true. And her physical condition just makes everything seems worse. As she looks in the mirror, she asks the girl standing in front of her. "Who are you, really? You're not as beautiful as they say. You're not as smart and attractive as what you're used to be told." She can hear nothing but silence.
Careless Whisper
I'm never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend..
Time can never mend
The careless whisper
To the heart and mind
Ignorance is kind
There's no comfort in the truth
Pain is all you'll find
Tonight the music seems so loud
I wish that we could lose this crowd
Maybe it's better this way
We'd hurt each other with the things we want to say
We could have been so good together
We could have lived this dance forever
Careless whisper..
-letras-
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend..
Time can never mend
The careless whisper
To the heart and mind
Ignorance is kind
There's no comfort in the truth
Pain is all you'll find
Tonight the music seems so loud
I wish that we could lose this crowd
Maybe it's better this way
We'd hurt each other with the things we want to say
We could have been so good together
We could have lived this dance forever
Careless whisper..
-letras-
November 21, 2014
Red Velvet
A slice of red velvet to start the day. She knows better than anyone else, that it's not her favorite. But she wanted it today, so she had it. It's red. It's only a slice of cake. She thinks while eating. Finished. It's done.
November 20, 2014
Behind the closed door.
I went to a Japanese restaurant for lunch yesterday. Curious of what it's like, what it serves. Unlike any other restaurants, its door is always closed. With a specific operational hours signboard hanging on the door.
I opened the door. It was twenty minutes before they open. Two ladies standing with a "hello?" look on their face. I don't think this is a good idea. "Have you made your reservation?" "No," I quickly responded. "Did you know what kind of food we serve?" "Not really," I answered honestly. "We .........................................."
Door closed. I walked out, headed to another restaurant. Now I know.
If you ever wondered what's behind the closed door, be ready to walk in, discover in the darkness. Then, you may choose to walk away. Just walk out.
I opened the door. It was twenty minutes before they open. Two ladies standing with a "hello?" look on their face. I don't think this is a good idea. "Have you made your reservation?" "No," I quickly responded. "Did you know what kind of food we serve?" "Not really," I answered honestly. "We .........................................."
Door closed. I walked out, headed to another restaurant. Now I know.
If you ever wondered what's behind the closed door, be ready to walk in, discover in the darkness. Then, you may choose to walk away. Just walk out.
Taxi Driver
He started a conversation. She responded. They talked about life in the mega city. "Life is hard," they agreed. She kept talking. She kept laughing. Hoping the taxi driver didn't notice her eyes are red. The car stopped. He gave her his last words. "Hey, lady, don't forget - life's hard!" She laughed again, tried a bigger one this time. Not sure if it was the taxi driver or herself that she tried to convince. "Indeed!" -door closed, the car left-
Mirror
Mirror, mirror hanging on the wall.
You don't have to tell her who's the biggest fool of all.
Mirror, mirror hanging on the wall.
I wish you could lie to her.
Mirror, mirror, she's just a girl. Let her cry.
Mirror, mirror, she's broken and she's not a woman.
Mirror, mirror, she's been there once. She's been there twice. Let her tears run dry. Another day won't make her die.
Mirror, mirror, she tried. She's tired. Let her rest.
Mirror, mirror, she had enough. She is tough.
So let her be. Let it be.
Mirror, mirror, you don't have to tell her..
She will smile tomorrow, and no one needs to know.
When she look into the mirror, tell her she's fine, and don't tell them why..
You don't have to tell her who's the biggest fool of all.
Mirror, mirror hanging on the wall.
I wish you could lie to her.
Mirror, mirror, she's just a girl. Let her cry.
Mirror, mirror, she's broken and she's not a woman.
Mirror, mirror, she's been there once. She's been there twice. Let her tears run dry. Another day won't make her die.
Mirror, mirror, she tried. She's tired. Let her rest.
Mirror, mirror, she had enough. She is tough.
So let her be. Let it be.
Mirror, mirror, you don't have to tell her..
She will smile tomorrow, and no one needs to know.
When she look into the mirror, tell her she's fine, and don't tell them why..
November 19, 2014
Lost in Space
I lost my phone last month. And since I was so used to using mobile blogging, I forgot to update this blog. So, I missed a month's post.
They say things happen for a reason. I believe that. I lost my phone for a reason - though I couldn't figure out what it is. I didn't see it coming. I have some bad feelings prior to the incident, but I guess I just ignore them. I kind of noticed when it happened, but I didn't really connect with my consciousness.
If you know what I'm saying...
They say things happen for a reason. I believe that. I lost my phone for a reason - though I couldn't figure out what it is. I didn't see it coming. I have some bad feelings prior to the incident, but I guess I just ignore them. I kind of noticed when it happened, but I didn't really connect with my consciousness.
If you know what I'm saying...
September 24, 2014
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