Feeling

Not only that she is tired of crying.
She is tired of everything.
She wanted to keep believing.
Though she knows it is never ending.

Not sure if she could keep pretending.
She is always the one hiding.
She wanted to keep standing.
Though she knows she is breaking.

December 2014,
Lady Metamorph

Separated

If love was a bird, then we wouldn't have wings.
If love was a sky, we'd be blue.
If love was a choir, you and I could never sing.
Cause love isn't for me and you..

If love was an Oscar, you and I could never win.
Cause we can never act out our parts.
If love is the Bible, then we are lost in sin.

If love was a fire, then we have lost the spark.
If love was a light, then we're lost in the dark.
Left with no one to hold.

If love was a sport, we're not on the same team.
You and I are destined to lose.
If love was an ocean, then we are just a stream.
Cause love isn't for me and you...

I know we had some good times.
It's sad but now we gotta say goodbye.
You know I love you, I can't deny.
I can't say we didn't try to make it work for you and I.
I know it hurts so much but it's best for us.
Somewhere along this windy road we lost the trust.
So I'll walk away so you don't have to see me cry.
It's killing me so, why don't you go...

So why don't you go your way, and I'll go mine.
Live your life, and I'll live mine.
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine.
Cause we're better off, separated...

-letras-

My Last Song for You

I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life? Tell me how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while.
You've been good, busier than ever,
We small talk, work and the weather.
Your guard is up and I know why.
Because the last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

These days I haven't been sleeping,
Staying up, playing back myself leavin'.
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times.
I watched you laughing from the passenger side.
Realized I loved you in the fall.

And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind.
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye."

I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile.
So good to me, so right.
And how you held me in your arms that September night.
The first time you ever saw me cry.

Maybe this is wishful thinking.
Probably mindless dreaming.
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.
So if the chain is on your door I understand.

But this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.

-Back to December by Taylor Swift-

Happy Birthday. I wish you happiness. 

Cold

It was a cold morning as it rained the whole night. She woke up in the couch. The room was already taken last night. But instead of cuddling her teddy bear as she usually does every morning, she got up and headed straight to the bathroom to have a cold shower. Let the water wipe her tears away. Let the cold heart gets colder.

She sobbed as she started counting her math. She had her very own formula in her head.
l = (i-r) (d-b)
l = ?
Insecurity. Reality. Dream. Bullshit.

She was never good with math. That's why she felt so messed up. She's sick of all these crap. She's had enough. She felt sick, nausea. She wanted to puke, but nothing came out.

Di Antara Dua

Ia bermimpi..

Bayangan padang rumput yang hijau. Mentari bersinar indah. Semilir angin sejukkan jiwa.

Tiba-tiba pandangannya berubah. Ia melihat seorang anak kecil berlari. Berlari dan berlari dengan kencangnya. Terlihat wajahnya berpeluh keringat. Namun ketika ia perhatikan lagi, ia juga melihat tetesan air mata jatuh ke pipi gadis kecil yang mungil itu. Apa yang telah terjadi.

***

Ia berlari dengan sekuat tenaga. Berharap semakin jauh langkahnya, semakin tidak terdengar suara di belakangnya. "Kembalilah, anakku sayang..." Ia mulai menangis. Wajah pucatnya basah oleh keringat bercampur air mata. Tapi ia tidak ingin berhenti berlari. Jangan sampai terkejar dan jangan terdengar lagi suara itu.

Melewati padang rumput, melintasi sungai, lewat jalan berbatuan, ia terjatuh. Sakit. Perasaan lelahnya terhenti, terkalahkan oleh rasa sakit. Ia mulai menangis histeris. Semakin kencang tangisannya, semakin terasa sakitnya. Tiba-tiba terngiang di kepalanya suara itu. "Kembalilah......" Tidak. Aku telah berlari terlalu jauh. Dan aku baru saja terjatuh. Aku tidak akan sanggup kembali ke tempat kuberasal. Terisak ia terdiam.

Ia kuatkan diri untuk bangun perlahan-lahan. Hilang kuasanya untuk berlari lagi. Ia bingung tak tentu arah. Ia dongakkan kepala. Melihat ke sekelilingnya. Di mana aku berada? Ia termenung. Menunduk. Dalam kesunyian hati ia mulai berjalan, pelan..

Beautiful Mess

She's got the best of both worlds.
She's the kind of girl who can take down a man, and lift him back up again.
She is strong but she's needy.
Humble but she's greedy.
Her style is quite selective, though her mind is rather reckless.

Hey, what a beautiful mess this is.
It's like picking up trash in dresses.

Don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction. But I like being submerged in your contradictions, dear..
'Cause here we are, here we are.

Her comebacks - they're quick.
And probably have to do with her insecurities.
There's no shame in being crazy.
Depending on how you take these words that paraphrasing this relationship we're staging.

And what a beautiful mess, yes it is.
It's like we're picking up trash in dresses.

We're still here.
What a beautiful mess this is.
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is "Yes."

Through timeless words and priceless pictures. We'll fly like birds not of this earth.

And tides - they turn, and hearts disfigure. But that's no concern when we're wounded together.

And we tore our dresses and stained our shirts. But it's nice today.

-letras-

Gravity

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do,
I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

Set me free.
Leave me be.
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

Oh, you loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while.
And all my fragile strength is gone.

But you're neither friend nor foe.
Though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down..........

-letras-